Yuna-chan is such a good girl, she doesn’t cause any trouble.

Those words became a kind of curse. Born as the eldest daughter in a rural family, my reputation was tied to the reputation of the house. My education-focused parents took me to cram school before I even started elementary school.
Because I started things earlier than others, I was able to do decently in both sports and academics.
Getting good test scores and winning awards in club competitions were just normal for me.
That’s how I defined myself.
In contrast to my sociable younger sister, my conversations with my parents ended up being about “achievements” all the time.
But I couldn’t keep doing everything perfectly forever.
Every time I accomplished something, I felt the need to achieve more, so I kept taking on new things.
As I continued doing this, I broke down.

I became a school refuser.
I couldn’t sleep every night because I was anxious about going to school the next day.
Even when I woke up in the morning and put on my uniform, I couldn’t bring myself to step out the door.
It was painful to see my mother watching me with concern.
Every time she said, “It’s okay to rest,” I felt like I was betraying her trust.
I felt like I was no longer her proud daughter.
Seeing my father act as if nothing had changed, pretending everything was fine at the dinner table, made me anxious.

I took out my frustration on objects.
Even in those times, my parents never gave up on me.
When I started spending more time alone, with my day and night flipped around, my mother stayed up with me and watched Korean dramas. On days when I managed to wake up in the morning, she took me on drives.
My father, wanting me to pursue what I truly wanted, started watching over me from a distance.
When I said, “I want to go to a correspondence high school,” he nodded without saying a word.
Even when I couldn’t do anything, they stayed by my side without changing.
Through the time I spent not attending school, I feel like I got to know my mother and father better.
They knew more about me than I imagined, and they loved me.
Now that I fully understand that, I can love the imperfect version of myself too.

Dad, Mom, I think raising me was a lot of work.
I’m sure there were many unexpected things, but with that, we also made many memories.
Thank you.

by FU / age: 19 / Abiko City, Chiba

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