LAYING POSSUM

The little girls’ batteries begin to run down after eight at night. You can measure the younger one’s fatigue by how much she cries. As for her full of energy older sister, she survived today’s kindergarten, but now she’s run out of juice and is sleeping on the sofa. Mom’s the one who’s supposed to get them both upstairs to bed. After a 10 kilo and then a 17 kilo freight transfer to the second floor, Mom’s ready to give it up, but when she comes back to the living room, there’s another child who’s hurriedly taken over the couch and is now lying on it with his eyes shut. “Go to bed !” No surprise there: another 24 kilo load would put quite a strain on Mom’s chassis.

Mama knows how hard you’ve been trying to be a good older brother to your two little sisters.

She knows how hot it was today from the sweat marks when you took off your backpack.

She knows how you let go of my hand and turned away when your younger sister started to cry. And that you were trying to be patient but unintentionally hit your sister when you swung your arm in frustration.

Your mother knows that her right and left arms were commandeered as pillows for your sisters and that’s why you’re sleeping alone with your back turned towards her. And she suspects you’ve got your eyes narrowed to slits to keep track of what Mama is doing.

It’s only when I get busy that it’s difficult to give you the attention you want. With only two arms, Mom can’t hug three kids at the same time. The son on the couch knows this full well.

Of course if he’s “sleeping”, then he has to get carried upstairs, and there’s no way not to hug him in the process… and maybe that’s what he needs.

She’s picked him up. “You’re always trying hard to do your best, aren’t you…”
“No,” he whispers in a small voice.

So, he is awake after all.

Quietly by his ear, “And what face are you making now? I think I know !!”

Halfway up the stairs the 24 kilo boy’s body suddenly goes limp and gets even heavier.

Famale | Fukuoka Prefecture

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I COULD HAVE PICKED A BETTER MOTHER

Always at work, never at home; oh, how I hated my mother.
When I thought I heard her at home, I’d find her standing there at the kitchen sink with her back to me.
By middle school, I was fed up with everything. One day something happened at school that bothered me and everything went haywire. At home, I blew my top and turned on my mother.
“If only I could have chosen my mother ! I would’ve picked a better one !!”
I could see I’d really hurt her. Suddenly, I felt so lost. She left the kitchen without a word, and I chased after her.
“You’re not interested in anything I have to say. I know how much you hate me !!” I blurted out at my mother whom I’d cornered on the toilet. I’d actually followed her there because her reaction in the kitchen worried me so, but I didn’t have the guts to tell her at the time, much less to apologize.

After high school, I went to college abroad. I started to notice how much I was skyping her. When something went wrong, I’d always call her on skype and have it out with her. And if anything nice happened, she’d always be the first to get the news. When I came home to visit, Mom would always ask, “What would you like to eat? How ’bout some sushi?” And I’d always answer the same way, “No, I want your cooking. Anything you make is the best.”

Whenever I was happy, she was happy with me. When I was angry, she took the sting from my wrath. She was always there for me. That’s who my mother is.

My mother did always keep her back to me in the kitchen, but it never meant she hated me. She was there to make a meal for me no matter how busy she’d been at work. And her food was always the best. Very soon I will be having my own child. And now I stand alongside my mother at the kitchen where she’s teaching me how to cook. And we joke about all the horrible things I used to say.
Now, I have the guts to tell you.
I’m sorry for what I put you through.
If I could have chosen a mother, it’s you I’d pick; now, then, and forever.

Famale | Hyōgo Prefecture

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